New York, NY | by Mike Li - A normally subdued group of language authorities gathering for their annual convention erupted into a riot this morning after discussions regarding the proper plural form of the name Obama became unpleasant.
The debate began last night with the group halving into factions; The first group favored Obamae as the proper plural form of the president’s surname, e.g. “Oh, Chef, the Obamae will all have lobster for dinner.” The second group favored Obama, with no s to be the standard, e.g. “Mildred, look at all the Obama eating lobster.” It was previously agreed by consensus that Obamas with just an s was too commonplace for a man generally accepted as divine. Deliberations raged on into the early morning.
Tensions crested when Harvard College of Linguistics and Bartending Professor Wilhelm Wisenheimer delivered a dissertation suggesting that the word Obama is actually the plural form of 'Obamum' which is a small bone in the foot, and implored that no further action be taken. The professor, best known as impetus for the query What are you, some kind of a fucking wisenheimer? was hissed off the stage by the legion of livid lexicographers and pelted with composition books and pencils. Police quickly subjugated the disturbance, using bullhorns to mispronounce the words arctic and prescription, which compelled the revolting mob's retreat to their rooms. No final decision was rendered on the issue and no arrests were made.