Task force co-chairs Thurston Howell III and wife Lovey spoke with SPN Headlines, saying they were quite appalled at the current state of the common class. Mr. Howell said, "Gadzooks man, we discovered this substance called macaroni and cheese that the bourgeoisie actually eat! Thank God we're rich!" Senator John Kerry (D-Ma.) was originally a task force member but Howell (Harvard '52) gave him the boot, saying, "I simply will not work with a Yale man!"
President Obama took a moment from his golf game this morning to speak with SPN Headlines saying, "This report concerns me deeply and I plan to read it as soon as I finish this round. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a lobster dinner bet on this hole. Fore!"