"You are a nitwit. But those tatas are quite impressive!"
WASHINGTON, D.C. | by Robert Feeley
White House Press Secretary Jay Carney issued a statement this morning in ObamaSpeak, a new language some say is similar to George Orwell's dystopian doublespeak. The statement, "Economy up. Republicans idiotic. More jobs. Obama patriotic," was translated to ObamaSpeak from the standard English: "The economy continues to be screwed up as Republicans work to block idiotic legislation being considered by Congress. More jobs were lost this week, as Obama's perception as an unpatriotic rube continues to grow."
Carney explained that ObamaSpeak will allow the White House to communicate more effectively with those he called unenlightened. "We are too busy doing the work of the people to reveal every exiguous detail," he said. "We omit certain words that would only serve to bewilder nitwits. Like you" he said, pointing to SPN Headlines reporter Erica Bazoombas.
Gibbs concluded with, "Hoochie coochie, pumpkin pie, Afghanistan, Jewish rye." At press time there was no translation available.