CHICAGO | by Trebor Yeleef - SPN Headlines has learned that the Thomson, Illinois prison currently being remodeled for Guantanamo detainees includes a spa and fitness center as well as an IMAX movie theater. Inmate cells will offer fine Egyptian linens, fully stocked wet bars, and in-room dining with gourmet meals. Conjugal visits with hookers recruited from Chicago will be paid for with tax dollars, as will a par 72 golf course.
President Obama announced this morning that the words "prisoner" and "detainee" will no longer be tolerated to describe the alleged terrorists and that they must be called "guests". That statement angered conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh, who said "I don't care if you call them quarter-pounders with cheese they are still terrorists, God damn it!" Limbaugh then abruptly ended his show, boarded his private jet and flew to McDonald's for lunch.
Prison warden Al Dente said it will be a challenge meeting the dietary needs of his new guests. "We're trying to get Wolfgang Puck to prepare the cuisine, but he said there is absolutely no way he is going to cook camels and goats." Cells are being decorated with the new Ralph Lauren Desert Flower motif to make the guests feel more at home.
President Obama announced this morning that the words "prisoner" and "detainee" will no longer be tolerated to describe the alleged terrorists and that they must be called "guests". That statement angered conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh, who said "I don't care if you call them quarter-pounders with cheese they are still terrorists, God damn it!" Limbaugh then abruptly ended his show, boarded his private jet and flew to McDonald's for lunch.
Prison warden Al Dente said it will be a challenge meeting the dietary needs of his new guests. "We're trying to get Wolfgang Puck to prepare the cuisine, but he said there is absolutely no way he is going to cook camels and goats." Cells are being decorated with the new Ralph Lauren Desert Flower motif to make the guests feel more at home.
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