Friday, August 16, 2013

TSA Hires Tiger for Special Searches

Security Alert: Passengers Must Wear Thong Underwear
WASHINGTON | by Robert Feeley - The Obama administration has announced a new policy regarding clothing for passengers boarding commercial flights in the United States. The Transportation Safety Administration calls it the Physical Examination of Random Voyagers, or PERV program.

The modus operandi of Christmas Day airplane bomber Abdul Whacko al Kaboom - explosives in his underpants - prompted Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano to order that all passengers must wear thong underwear and be subject to random panty inspections effective immediately.
Safety Inspection at
Chicago's O'Hair Airport

The announcement brought a flood of employment applications for the position of Special PERV Inspector. Disgraced golfer Tiger Woods was first in line among hundreds of other high-spirited horndogs this morning at TSA headquarters and was hired for duty at Orlando International Airport. Mr. Woods spoke with SPN and said, "I'm looking forward to this new challenge. They want the lines to move fast at the airport and nobody gets a skirt up and panties down faster than me!"

13 comments:

  1. Nothing like a celebrity strip search to start the mornings travels.

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  2. thanks dood, great article, it's always good to add a slice of satire to this stuff, much obliged and keep 'em coming! :-)

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  3. Super funny! I appreciate the humor about this :)

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  4. Brilliant stuff! Makes the pain of forfeiting a $550 non-refundable airline ticket a little easier to swallow. I will not fly if I'm going to be subject to sexual abuse.

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  5. I heard that excongressman Larry Craig is interested in applying.

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  6. The Federal Reserve, the Masons, and now this. The whole dastardly scheme is becoming as apparent as licorice underwear.

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  7. A blind man could see it. Reminds me of the Pee-Wee Herman debacle.

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  8. You can be sure that every perv in the US will apply to work for the TSA, while everybody who is not a perv will be looking for a less shameful job somewhere else.

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  9. Your point of view is totally perverted, I keep coming back for more!

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