WASHINGTON | by Robert Feeley - The Obama administration has announced a new policy regarding clothing for passengers boarding commercial flights in the United States. The Transportation Safety Administration calls it the Physical Examination of Random Voyagers, or PERV program.
The modus operandi of Christmas Day airplane bomber Abdul Whacko al Kaboom - explosives in his underpants - prompted Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano to order that all passengers must wear thong underwear and be subject to random panty inspections effective immediately.
The announcement brought a flood of employment applications for the position of Special PERV Inspector. Disgraced golfer Tiger Woods was first in line among hundreds of other high-spirited horndogs this morning at TSA headquarters and was hired for duty at Orlando International Airport. Mr. Woods spoke with SPN and said, "I'm looking forward to this new challenge. They want the lines to move fast at the airport and nobody gets a skirt up and panties down faster than me!"