In Miami, the group ALMOND (Alliance of Latino Men Organized for Narcissistic Diversions) held a news conference, promising to help impoverished south Floridians with millions in government money they now hope to receive. Spokesman Emilio Testiculos Gigante said Almond has contracted with Bacardi Rum and Latina Escorts LLC to purchase goods and services for the poor.
Senator Richard “Dick” Durbin of Illinois pledged his support today for another new group, CASHEW (Chicago Association Supporting Hate for Everyone White) and denied charges the group supports hate or is racist. Durbin, traveling to Hawaii aboard a congressional jet said, "We just want to help the poor."
And in California, a pro-marijuana group calling themselves PISTACHIO convened their first meeting and said their goal will be to use tax money to produce low-cost pipes and bongs for disadvantaged farmers. Leader Herb Budski promised he will come up with a reverse acronym for PISTACHIO as soon as his head clears and someone explains what a "reverse acronym" is to him.