Saturday, July 10, 2010

Zombies Plague Florida as LeBron Fever Spreads

Morons in Miami are buying tickets
to watch these 3 dullards dribble.
(MIAMI, Fl.) by Robert Feeley - South Florida basketball fans are in a ticket-buying frenzy as pandemonium grips people from all walks of life, and death, after superstar LeBron James signed to play hoops for the Miami Heat.

Police are receiving reports of recently buried corpses rising from their graves to join living fans robbing banks and 7-11s across the state to get money for precious Heat tickets. Miami mayor Manny Malingerer ordered all city employees to extend their daily siestas from 4 to 5 hours to go and buy more tickets.

Zombie: "grrrrrrrrrrr, LeBron,
grrrrrrrrrr, Obama, grrrrrrr"
Even the nearly-dead joined in the revelry, as illustrated by Mr. Morris Impleton, who sold his only kidney to buy a single-game ticket, and then dropped dead. An hour later he was back in line at the Miami Arena as a zombie buying more tickets. Heat marketing director Howard Heister told SPN, "I've never seen anything like it. People are selling their daughters into slavery to see LeBron. It's wonderful, what a country!"

In a related story, President Obama has dispatched 500 ACORN community activists to Miami to register the zombies to vote.

1 comment: